STAY BOUNDLESS

On belief, recovery and making fear your teacher

Changes are coming.
Whatever is happening in your life will change. That is certain.

My wrist was broken.
Fingers smashed and battered.
Months of therapy.

Doctors said not to have high hopes.
That I will never cycle again.
Never pull myself up.
Never hold anything heavy.

I could have believed them.
But I didn’t.

I could not accept their words.

When I was younger, I studied cases of people healing themselves from serious injuries. Spine injuries. Things that were supposed to be permanent. I told myself this is temporary. I will come back. I will pull myself through it and then pull myself up. Not once. Ten times. On my bar.

I was sent to physiotherapy.
They told me the same thing.
Listen to the doctors.
They know what they are doing.
They are famous. Respected. Knowledgeable.

They are magicians. I cannot deny that.
They put my arm back together in less than ten hours.
I remember nothing. I was asleep.
But they did the job.

The first month was terrifying.

I could not move my wrist.
Could not move my fingers.

I remember sitting in my bedroom trying to wiggle my pinky.
I always remember that scene from Kill Bill.
Uma Thurman talking to her big toe.

And then it moved.

Then I worked with my hand.
Every day.
For hours.

Pushing through pain while remembering words of another teacher.
Push yourself, but do not break yourself.

That constant pushing, mental and physical, day after day, conditioned me towards success.

It is possible, I thought.

If there is a god, I will acknowledge their presence if I succeed.

There must be some force in the universe.
They call it chi.
They call it prana.
They call it lung.

They call it many things.
But it cannot be named.

Naming it will not change it.
It remains the same.
Nameless.

I remember the first time I could hold a cup.
The first time I pulled my shirt down.
The first time I made my bed with both hands.

The first weight.
The pink one.
Then the yellow one.
Then a four kilo kettlebell.

My first cycle after the accident was the scariest part.

I crashed on this very bike.
Six months of waiting did not help.

They say when you fall off a bike, you should get back on immediately.
Otherwise trauma grows.
The longer you wait, the bigger it gets.

But I had no choice. I had to wait.

When I finally cycled, I knew if I had to brake hard with both hands, I would not be able to.
So I rode slow.
Traumatized.

My love for cycling is huge.
But there was no joy.

I was riding scared.
Tense.
Not confident.

Still, I pushed myself.
Every day.

Repeating one thing.
Life knocked me out, but I am standing again.
I am ready.
I will not give up.

I believe it was belief that healed me.

The mind is the forerunner of all actions.
All actions start in the mind.
This is what Buddha said.
Or at least what was written down as his words.

There is deep wisdom in it.

You have to know when to listen to others.
And when to listen to the inner voice of wisdom.

Because if god is everywhere, then god is also speaking inside your head.

The biggest wins come from pain and discomfort.
From facing your demons.
From moving towards fear, not away from it.

It is lifting your chin.
Walking upright.
Believing.

Belief comes first.

Now I cycle with confidence.
I pull myself up ten times and more.
I started boxing.

My fingers are not the same.
They are weaker than the other hand.

But I am a stronger person.

I would never change this experience.

If I could go back in time and avoid the accident, I would not.

I remember it clearly.
A car running red lights.
High speed.
Empty junction.
Cold winter night.

Me braking.
Stopping.
Flying over the car.
Then darkness.

Moments like this are extreme teachers.

They show us how fragile we are.
That life is finite.
That death is always within reach.

So I make her my friend.

There is no time to waste.
Because there is no time.

No time to worry what people think.
No time to fear failure.
No time to care if someone laughs.

Who cares.

The most traumatic events carry the deepest wisdom.

Nothing is black or white.
Good and bad are intertwined.

Life is surfing the middle.
Between extremes.
Between good and evil.

Believe some things.
Question others.
Stay open.

Nothing is certain but death and love.

And love is what I am sending to you.
Whoever you are.

Stay boundless.